1976:
We came, hurly-burly, from Maine to Chicago that hot summer, for my dissertation defense. Staying at the studio of my wife’s painter-friend, I hung my best pants (black Lee Riders) on an easel, and went to bed. Early the next morning, I reached for the pants: they were about five sizes too small. “Liz, Liz, what happened to my pants! Did you wash them or something?” Since the defense was at nine, there was no time to buy a new pair. Defend a dissertation in shorts? It turned out our friend had come in late and hung her pants, identical but smaller, over mine. (I passed.)
Moral: When you have something important to do, stay out of your wife’s friend’s pants.
2012:
In a New York hospital, with almost-kidney failure, I shared a room with an orthodox rabbi suffering from chronic, multiple complaints. As (Tuesday) evening fell, his wife reluctantly left for the five-hour bus ride back up to Monsey: she did not drive. “Don’t forget my pants,” he reminded her. Presumably, they left as few things as possible in the hospital room. The next day, ten bus hours and a short night’s rest later, she was back. The red tape for his discharge took hours. Finally cleared, and anxious to leave, he snatched the pants from the shopping bag in which she had brought them. They were beautiful, dark blue, possibly made of silk. “Oh, no!” he cried in horror. “You brought my Shabbos pants!” I can’t remember the resolution. Did he wear the Shabbos pants, desecrating them? Or did she hurry out to buy him another pair?
Moral: “Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way.”
Satire by Ron Singer (www.ronsinger.net) has appeared in numerous venues. He has published seven books in varied genres: A Voice for My Grandmother, The Second Kingdom, The Rented Pet, Look to Mountains, Look to Sea, From a Small Fish in the Floating World, Geistmann, and The Parents We Deserve. In 2010 and 2011, Singer traveled to six African countries for Uhuru Revisited: Interviews with Pro-Democracy Leaders (forthcoming).
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